my life.

It has come to my attention that some people are disappointed with how I am currently choosing to life my life. Well, I have something to say to that.

It's my fucking life.

I don't care what you may think of me, or how badly you think I'm reacting to certain life situations, or whatever. I'm through with people who feel the need to constantly tell me how disappointed they are in me.

If I choose to go out on the weekends and drink and party with my friends, thats okay by me, I'm not forcing you to come along. If I want to stay at home in my pj's and chat online with some homies, then thats okay too, you're not a part of it. If I want to do (insert crazy action here) THATS OKAY TOO, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ME! I am an adult, I can choose to live my life whatever way I want, and until the moment that I am shoving a bottle down your throat, or dousing you with gasoline and lighting you on fire, you have NO RIGHT to look down on me, or to comment on my life choices.

yeah okay i get it. im deleting some of my entries. bye bye.

I had a whole bunch of shit to say on my way home today.

But I forgot it all.

Oh well, new shoes and binge drinking this weekend.

How am I still alive?

Why Drinking And Emotions Dont Mix.

I don't like that I let me emotions get the best of me. Ended up crying on my girl friend's arm last night when I got too drunk to stand. She came back to my place to make sure I was okay. She walked me all the way home in the cold because that's what a good friend does. And it was the first time I had really let myself cry (turns out you have to be weak to cry, and since I've been so fucking strong this week, i wouldn't let myself cry). I can't deal with the emotional outpourings of other drunk people, either. I'm such a fucking bitch right? I expect my friends to be there for me and take care of me, but I fail when they are reaching out to me. I don't think that I believe in emotions anymore. I think that I will just let them float out of my body. Who needs the hassle of happiness when you can be stoic. Who needs to deal with sadness when you can just not. Who needs a human connection of love if it will only bring the emotions of hurt and sadness. So I say to hell with that. I'm okay with being okay.

I figure out why I feel so bad.



Because I don't feel bad.

The End Of An Era

Well, I thought that I would keep this up. I thought that it would help me keep things under control, but I haven't kept it up, of course. And I never wanted to use this as a whiney, bitchy, complainy kind of blog, but I really need to get this out.

Me and my boyfriend of 2 and a bit years separated last night.

I don't know what else to say about this.

I guess that the initial shock hasn't even worn off.

That is all.

Ah.. Sunday Morning..

The perfect time to spend 20 minutes picking the perfect Simpsons quote for my Facebook page, only to change my mind about what I want it to be in another half an hour.

This weekend has so far been a blast. I feel like I should call it New Years, the Redux, because I actually got to see a bunch of people I liked, go dancing, look hot, and have fun, but without the stress of New Years.

Have I mentioned that I have some of the most gorgeous and awesome friends in the whole world? Seriously, the amount of hot people in my social circle would make most people insanely jealous. And when we all get together in one place it's amazing. If you want proof of the hotness of my friends, check out my Flickr in the bar on the left.

So this Friday, I went out to the Pyramid to see my friends DJ. Good music, good friends, all around good times. My friends Allan and Sarah came out, which is awesome because with their crazy lives, they almost never make it out to these things. Danced almost the whole night, and saw alot of people I hadn't seen in a very long time. Those are the best kind of nights I think.

And yesterday I went bowling with my friends Andre and Steve. Admittedly, as much as I do like going out to the bar, having a drink, dancing, and what not, it isn't very conducive to conversations. Plus who doesn't love throwing balls at pins to knock them down! For the record, I am a very violent bowler, and still can't hit a pin for the life of me. After throwing balls, we walked down to my old hood, and ate some pizza and cake at Cafe 22. Had a really good, long talk about life and things in general. It was a great night and what I think this year should be all about for me.

Today the plan is to hopefully get all my laundry finished, get down to the Y to get my gym pass, and maybe hit a mall to see if i can find a (yuck) sports bra and some (yay) cute work out clothes. Hah. I have to admit, I'm very excited about joining a gym. And I'm even more excited that I'm excited about it. This is something I've been needing to do for years now, and my anxiety and depression had blocked the ability to do things for so long, but now I'm saying enough is enough. I need to get in shape! I want to look good and feel good! I want to be able to run without being winded! My health is so important, and since I'm not very good at balancing what I eat (yet, thats a whole other goal for this year), working out is a good option to lose weight and feel better about myself.

So off I go to start the day! Oh! And if you have a blog, and want me to link it in the side, let me know! I know only my friends will be reading this, but I would like to have a handy collection of links to my friends blogs on the side of my blog! Hah!