my life.

It has come to my attention that some people are disappointed with how I am currently choosing to life my life. Well, I have something to say to that.

It's my fucking life.

I don't care what you may think of me, or how badly you think I'm reacting to certain life situations, or whatever. I'm through with people who feel the need to constantly tell me how disappointed they are in me.

If I choose to go out on the weekends and drink and party with my friends, thats okay by me, I'm not forcing you to come along. If I want to stay at home in my pj's and chat online with some homies, then thats okay too, you're not a part of it. If I want to do (insert crazy action here) THATS OKAY TOO, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ME! I am an adult, I can choose to live my life whatever way I want, and until the moment that I am shoving a bottle down your throat, or dousing you with gasoline and lighting you on fire, you have NO RIGHT to look down on me, or to comment on my life choices.

yeah okay i get it. im deleting some of my entries. bye bye.

I had a whole bunch of shit to say on my way home today.

But I forgot it all.

Oh well, new shoes and binge drinking this weekend.

How am I still alive?

Why Drinking And Emotions Dont Mix.

I don't like that I let me emotions get the best of me. Ended up crying on my girl friend's arm last night when I got too drunk to stand. She came back to my place to make sure I was okay. She walked me all the way home in the cold because that's what a good friend does. And it was the first time I had really let myself cry (turns out you have to be weak to cry, and since I've been so fucking strong this week, i wouldn't let myself cry). I can't deal with the emotional outpourings of other drunk people, either. I'm such a fucking bitch right? I expect my friends to be there for me and take care of me, but I fail when they are reaching out to me. I don't think that I believe in emotions anymore. I think that I will just let them float out of my body. Who needs the hassle of happiness when you can be stoic. Who needs to deal with sadness when you can just not. Who needs a human connection of love if it will only bring the emotions of hurt and sadness. So I say to hell with that. I'm okay with being okay.

I figure out why I feel so bad.



Because I don't feel bad.

The End Of An Era

Well, I thought that I would keep this up. I thought that it would help me keep things under control, but I haven't kept it up, of course. And I never wanted to use this as a whiney, bitchy, complainy kind of blog, but I really need to get this out.

Me and my boyfriend of 2 and a bit years separated last night.

I don't know what else to say about this.

I guess that the initial shock hasn't even worn off.

That is all.